Little Victory #2: Paleoball

So my depression has been whooping my ass so to distract myself from the near constant amount of externally derived chaos that overstimulates me to the point of exhaustion I decided to do something ridiculous and make up a new sport. I mean all sports are made up by that same logic. Theodore Roosevelt made up American football while he was a professor at Yale and soccer/non American futbol is just kicking a spherical object in various ways. Usually by handsome men with bakeries above their calves. If sports are supposed to be absurd in origin how hard can it be to make up a new one. So here we are. I wanted this game to be as foundational to humanity’s roots as possible: something you don’t need a massive budget for, something that can be organized with or without optimization, like we see with so many other hobbies and sports. Anyone remember the Rocky movie? Dude was literally getting a full body workout with half eaten cars and sacks of rocks. The best sports equipment store by far is the hardware store and/or the recycling center. I stand by my claim. I added a rule book and some play test ideas if anyone wants to give it a go in their neighborhoods. Have fun!

Paleoball is a fun project and a gift to the public sphere: nobody owns it, the same way nobody owns American football. If you want to actually play it, build a league around it, or just steal the rules, go for it. Full documents are below, and downloadable PDFs of all three are at the bottom of this post.

🥚 Paleoball: A Made Up Sport I Invented

Stone-age themed team sport: get the egg-shaped ball to your team’s home side to score, using position-locked tools and terrain, on an obstacle-filled field. Designed for low-cost entry, minimum viable setup is a park, four flags, and tripwire.

Objective

Move the heavy, oblong, egg-shaped ball from midfield to your team’s home side and secure it. First team to secure it scores. Best cumulative score across 3 rounds wins.

Minimum Viable Field (low-cost entry, core allure of the sport)

Field: any open park. Boundaries marked by 4 flags with tripwire strung between them, no built infrastructure required
The Egg: a rugby ball filled with sand instead of air, mimics the intended weight and unpredictable roll without needing a custom molded prop, cheap and easy to make
Tools: stone-age aesthetic but functionally improvised/cheap, slingshot, staff, shield, lacrosse stick, nothing requires manufacturing
Coin flip: no special equipment needed
This is the whole allure of Paleoball: makeshift, low-cost, playable anywhere with minimal prep, closer to a pickup game than a sport requiring a purpose-built venue

Roster (7 people per team: 6 active players + 1 Lord)

Position	Count	Tool(s)	Water	Platforms
Joker	1	Slingshot (old-school, no handle)	Allowed (no restriction)	Allowed (no restriction)
Tank	2	Shield	Allowed	Not allowed
Ranger	3	Bow Staff or Lacrosse Stick, chosen per play	Not allowed	Allowed

6 active players fill the Joker/Tank/Ranger slots above; the 7th team member rotates into the Lord role for that match (any player type can double as Lord, it’s a rotating assignment, not a specialized non-player position)
Rangers can switch between Bow Staff and Lacrosse Stick depending on the play (mid-play switching: TBD, playtest to decide).
The egg has no handles/no gloves, so lacrosse sticks are the most stable carry method.

Equipment

Protective gear + colored jerseys per team, mandatory
The Egg: heavy, oblong, rolls unpredictably if not carried; fits in a large one-handed grip
Stone-age tools at center field: slingshot, bow staff/spear, simple shield, lacrosse stick
2 Nets: neutral, Greek-fishing-net style (two poles stretched between), used as passing/interception targets, a Joker can sling the egg toward a net near their base for a teammate to catch and run home

Field and Terrain

Football/soccer-sized field with out-of-bounds boundary; stepping/running out of bounds eliminates a player for the round
Obstacles: water (swimming), sand traps, mud traps, hills/elevation platforms (climbable in two steps, safely jumpable)
Terrain is position-restricted (see roster table above), this is a core strategic layer

Net Placement and Net Master System

Round 1: both teams place both nets openly, on the field, before play starts
Nets cannot be placed in water; can be placed adjacent to or between platforms
Net placement varies heavily by map, driving map-specific strategy
Placement is public/visible, so net position telegraphs strategy, bluffing with placement is part of the game
Nets cannot be placed within a buffer zone near either home base (roughly 15% of field length from the base line), to prevent trivializing scoring
Net Master placement window: 60 seconds from the start of the between-round interval

Between-round adjustment (before Round 2 and before Round 3):

Team’s status after the round	What they get to choose
At least 1 point	Coin flip winner picks: take Net Master title, full unilateral control to reposition both nets, or leave both nets in place and recover 1 eliminated player
Exactly 0 points	That team alone chooses: sacrifice one net from the field for the next round to recover 2 eliminated players, or decline and keep both nets in play with no recovery

The zero-point sacrifice option replaces the coin flip entirely for that team, it isn’t combined with it.
If both teams end a round at zero, each gets their own independent sacrifice choice.
Minor detail, still open: if a net is sacrificed, which specific net is removed (team’s choice vs. automatic).

Scoring

Securing the egg at home base: 5 points. The egg must be secured in a player’s hand while inside the home zone, an unclaimed egg that merely lands, rolls, or bounces into the zone does not score
Fumble: 3 tries allowed before losing a point
Attacking a player (not the egg): minus 3 points
Score floor at zero per round (no negative scores)
3 rounds total, highest cumulative score wins

Turnover / Fumble Rule

A fumble/turnover is triggered by: the egg touching the ground while a player is actively carrying/controlling it, the egg exiting the field boundary, or a player carrying the egg into terrain restricted for their position
Full reset on any turnover: the play is voided entirely, no team gains possession, all active players return to center field for a fresh scrimmage over the tool cache/egg
This applies regardless of which team caused the turnover

Water Play

Egg landing/rolling into water is NOT an automatic turnover, it stays live, water-polo style
Only Tanks and the Joker are eligible to contest it there (Rangers are restricted from water)
Splashing, wave-making, and similar diversions are legal tactics, not penalized attacks

Elimination

Elimination (from stepping/running out of bounds) lasts the full round by default, not just the individual play

Off-Field Roles: Lords and Refs

Refs (3 total, neutral, shared across the whole match)

Not affiliated with either team; entirely improvised roles, whoever isn’t playing that match and knows the rules
Design/determine the field terrain and obstacle layout before the match
Officiate all binding in-match calls: fouls, turnovers, scores, boundary disputes
Majority vote (2 of 3) settles any disputed/tough call

Lord (1 per team, partisan, the 7th team member)

A rotating assignment: any of the 6 active player types can double as Lord for a given match
Elevated eyes-in-the-sky vantage point (camera, spyglass, or binoculars)
Communicates via voice/earpiece to their own team, dispatcher-style: open mic, continuous, real-time during live play, no cooldowns or call-out caps
Does NOT design terrain, instead studies whatever map the Refs built and adapts team strategy/positioning to it
Represents the team in the between-round decision

Lord Accountability

A Lord is held responsible for player injuries that result from a bad call they made, on the same footing as a player being held responsible for an attack or other penalty
Exact point value/penalty size for a Lord-caused injury, and who makes that call, still open for playtest

Design Notes / Rulings

Contact rules: tools interact with the egg (deflect, intercept, launch); player contact is limited to blocking/screening the ball-carrier’s path, not open hitting
Tool cache: shared at center field, first-come-first-serve at the start of each round/scrimmage
Wrong-terrain penalty: a player who enters terrain outside their position’s allowance is immediately treated as out of bounds for that round
Ranger tool-switching: a Ranger commits to one tool at the moment they engage the egg for a given play, and can’t swap until that play ends
Stamina/energy: currently just a coaching/strategy consideration, not a hard mechanic
Round timing: suggest 8-10 minutes per round as a starting point, clock runs continuously through fumbles/eliminations

Next Steps

Draft full rulebook doc
First playtest/scrimmage to pressure-test net system, terrain restrictions, and scoring balance
Consider branding once mechanics are stable

📜 Paleoball: Official Rulebook v1

A stone age team sport. Move the egg to your home side, don’t break it, don’t break your opponent.

Overview

Paleoball is a two team sport played on an open field. Each team wears protective gear and colored jerseys. The point of the game is to move a heavy, oblong, egg shaped object from the center of the field to your team’s home side and secure it there. The egg rolls in different ways if you don’t carry it, but it’s small enough to fit in a massive grip in one hand.

The whole point is to get the egg from point A to point B and secure it at your home team’s side of the field. The trick of the game is strategy, since it is timed: how to get the egg in as few moves as possible while saving energy and dodging the other team.

The protective gear is a must, but essentially it’s a free for all: just get the ball to your side without breaking it.

The Field (Minimum Viable Field)

The base field needed for Paleoball is a park and 4 flags with tripwire strung between them: those are your boundaries. This is the whole allure of Paleoball: low cost to enter, stone age tools, and a rugby ball filled with sand instead of air. Easy makeshift setup, playable almost anywhere.

The main field is roughly football or soccer field sized, with boundaries around it. If a player steps out of bounds or runs out of bounds, they are out for the round.

Obstacles include:

Water, for swimming
Sand traps
Mud traps
Hills and slight elevation platforms, climbable in two steps and safely jumpable back down with no injury

The Egg

A rugby ball filled with sand instead of air. Heavy, oblong, egg shaped, so it rolls unpredictably if not carried. Large and weirdly shaped enough to be intercepted, since players don’t wear gloves. The most stable way to carry the egg is with lacrosse sticks.

Roster and Positions (7 people per team: 6 active players plus 1 Lord)

Position	Count	Tool(s)	Water	Platforms
Joker	1	Slingshot, old school, no handle, like David vs Goliath	Allowed (wildcard, no restriction)	Allowed (wildcard, no restriction)
Tank	2	Shield	Allowed	Not allowed
Ranger	3	Bow staff or lacrosse stick, chosen per play	Not allowed	Allowed

6 active players fill the Joker, Tank, and Ranger slots above. The 7th team member rotates into the Lord role for that match. Any player type can double as Lord: it’s a rotating assignment, not a specialized position.

Rangers choose between bow staff and lacrosse stick depending on the play, and commit to that choice at the moment they engage the egg for that play. No switching mid-play.

The slingshot is used to throw the egg at massive distances, fast. The Joker is the wildcard of the team.

Tanks carry shields and serve similar to linebackers in the NFL: padded obstacles of their own, meant to guard and screen, not to attack.

Tools

At center field: slingshot, bow staff (doubles as spear), simple shield, lacrosse stick. All improvised and cheap: nothing here requires manufacturing. Shared cache, first come first served at the start of each round or scrimmage.

Terrain and Positional Restrictions

Terrain access is locked by position, and this is a core strategic layer:

Jokers: no restriction, wildcards, can go anywhere
Tanks: can go in water, not allowed on platforms
Rangers: cannot go in water, can be on platforms

A player who enters terrain outside their position’s allowance is treated as out of bounds for that round, and the egg becomes a live turnover at that spot.

The Nets

Two nets, neutral, Greek fishing net style: two poles stretched between them. Nets are an obstacle a player can use to their advantage. If a Joker slings the egg toward the net in the direction of their base, another player can grab it and bring it home with ease.

Nets cannot be placed in water. They can be placed adjacent to or between platforms. Nets cannot be placed within a buffer zone near either home base (roughly 15 percent of field length from the base line), so placement can’t trivialize scoring.

Round 1: both teams place both nets openly, in full view, before play starts. Net placement varies heavily by map, and since placement is public, position telegraphs strategy: bluffing with placement is part of the game.

Net Master System (between Round 1 and 2, and between Round 2 and 3)

Team’s status after the round	What they get to choose
At least 1 point	Coin flip winner picks: take the Net Master title (full control to reposition both nets), or leave the nets in place and recover 1 eliminated player
Exactly 0 points	That team alone chooses: sacrifice one net from the field to recover 2 eliminated players, or decline and keep both nets in play with no recovery

The zero point sacrifice option replaces the coin flip for that team, it does not combine with it. If both teams end a round at zero, each gets their own independent sacrifice choice. The 3 round cap and cumulative scoring handle any resulting chaos on their own, no special case needed.

Net Master placement window: 60 seconds from the start of the between round interval.

Turnovers and Fumbles

A fumble or turnover is triggered by:

The egg touching the ground while a player is actively carrying or controlling it
The egg exiting the field boundary
A player carrying the egg into terrain restricted for their position

On any turnover, the play is voided entirely. No team gains possession. All active players return to center field for a fresh scrimmage over the tool cache and egg. This applies no matter which team caused the turnover: the field’s hazards are pure risk with no direct payoff for the opposing team. That’s why it’s safer to stay in the open field areas than take the risk of cutting through a hazard.

You get three tries for fumbles. After that, you lose a point.

Water Play

Water is not an automatic turnover. The egg stays live there, water polo style: splashing, waves, and diversions to disperse the opponent are legal tactics, not attacks. Only Tanks and the Joker are eligible to contest the egg in water, since Rangers are restricted from it.

Elimination

Stepping or running out of bounds eliminates a player for the full round, not just that individual play.

Scoring

Securing the egg at home base: 5 points. The egg must be in a player’s hand while inside the home zone. Throwing the egg to the home base doesn’t count on its own, just like in American football: the egg must be in someone’s hand to score.
Fumble: three tries allowed, then lose a point
Attacking a player (not the egg): minus 3 points
Score floor at zero per round, no negative scores
3 rounds total. Highest cumulative points at the end of the game wins.

Fouls and Penalties: Contact Rules

Tools interact with the egg: deflect, intercept, launch. Player contact is limited to blocking and screening the ball carrier’s path, Tank style positioning, not open hitting. Attacking a player who isn’t the carrier, or using excessive force beyond a screen or block, is what triggers the minus 3 penalty.

Off-Field Roles: Lords and Refs

Refs (3 total, neutral, shared across the whole match)

Entirely improvised: whoever isn’t playing that match and knows the rules. Not affiliated with either team.

Determine the field terrain and obstacle layout before the match
Officiate all binding in-match calls
Majority vote (2 of 3) settles any tough or disputed play

Lord (1 per team, the 7th team member)

More player than coach. A rotating assignment: any of the 6 active player types can double as Lord for a given match.

Eyes in the sky: camera, spyglass, or binoculars
Communicates by voice or earpiece, dispatch team style: open mic, continuous, real time. No cooldowns or call out caps.
Does not design terrain, that’s the Refs’ job
Represents the team in the between round Net Master decision

Lord Accountability

A Lord is held responsible for player injuries that result from a bad call they made, on the same footing as a player being held responsible for an attack or other penalty.

Round Structure and Win Condition

Three rounds. Highest cumulative points at the end of the game wins. Suggested round length: 8 to 10 minutes as a starting point, adjust after playtesting.

Open Items (Playtest Notes)

Ranger tool switching: locked to one tool per play, confirm this holds up in practice
Which specific net gets sacrificed in the zero point scenario
Exact penalty size for a Lord caused injury, and who calls it
Stamina and energy: currently just a coaching consideration
Round length: 8 to 10 minutes is a starting point only

🏵️ How to Launch a New Sport: League Establishment Playbook

How to bootstrap a new sport from a single friend group into a real, self-sustaining league or scene, using the modern roller derby revival as the reference case study, applied directly to Paleoball.

Case Study: How Roller Derby Actually Did It

Modern flat-track roller derby traces to one group: the Texas Rollergirls in Austin, TX, founded 2003, who created a version of the sport that was women-led, skater-owned, and fiercely DIY. The single most important design decision was removing the infrastructure barrier: they adapted the game to be played without requiring a banked track, which meant leagues could form with very little start-up cost, since a flat track can go anywhere a skating rink or any flat surface exists, unlike an expensive, hard-to-store banked track.

Growth was social and organic before it was institutional: the sport spread in a viral manner, via word-of-mouth, and cross-league play happened fast and informally. Only after multiple independent leagues existed and were already playing each other did anyone build formal governance: the WFTDA began as the United Leagues Coalition in 2004, a handful of skater-owned leagues, and by the historic first ULC meeting in 2005, 20 leagues were represented, at which point they voted to formalize as the WFTDA. Today WFTDA represents 400+ member leagues on 6 continents, all still run under a “by the skaters, for the skaters” ownership philosophy, with the sport’s cultural identity as central to its staying power as the rules themselves.

The General Playbook This Reveals

Remove the infrastructure barrier first. Derby’s breakthrough was flat track vs. banked track, cheap and portable beats built and expensive, every time.
Found one real league before founding any association. Governance comes after grassroots proof, not before.
Spread via word-of-mouth and one flagship event, not marketing. A filmed first scrimmage/playtest is that flagship moment.
Get to interleague play fast, even informally. A second group playing the first is what turns “a thing my friends do” into “a sport.”
Ownership and culture identity matter as much as rules.
Governance is the last step, not the first.

Applied to Paleoball: Phased Plan

Phase 1: Prove It

Recruit about 14 people (two 7-person teams: 6 active players + 1 Lord each) plus 3 neutral Refs
Pick a real park with natural obstacles matching the Minimum Viable Field spec: open field, 4 flags + tripwire boundary
Run one full scrimmage under the current ruleset
Film it

Phase 2: Repeat It

Run it again with the same or a rotated group
Refine the rules based on what actually broke in practice

Phase 3: Split It

Once the core group is confident in the ruleset, split into two separately-run regular groups
Get real interleague competition going between them

Phase 4: Formalize It

Only once multiple independently-run groups exist and are playing by the same rules, draft an actual constitution/governing document
A “Paleoball Coalition” mirroring the ULC-to-WFTDA path

Phase 5: Culture and Identity

Lean into the existing content ecosystem for branding, documentation, and community
Strong candidate for short-form content given the built-in aesthetic

Key Takeaway

Don’t build the league association first. Build one real, functioning group of people who play regularly and love it. Everything else follows from that, not the other way around.

📥 Downloads

Grab all three documents as PDFs:

If Paleoball (or anything else here) made you smile, you can support the work:

☕ Buy Me a Coffee